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A phone call starts it all.


We had the call scheduled. Not just any call, it was THE call. For the last year, Phil and I had discussed the idea of adding to our family. We wanted to ensure that everything we ready for us to have a child. Finances were definitely a consideration. By now, both of us had careers but would they be enough to support a new life. It was something that we had discussed at length. It was sure to be something that we would discuss and we navigated the road of adding a child to our family.

We had started the process to become foster parents however there was a reluctance that came with fostering. I, being a foster youth, knew first-hand the traumas and challenges that youth who survive foster care can face. Phil also was reluctant, but for other reasons. He was afraid that letting go of a child who was placed with us might be too much. It idea was something that weighed a lot of my mind after we had first discussed it.

Phil and I had discussed the idea of surrogacy with several people over the previous year. Just the thought of surrogacy is a massive ask for anyone. I believe that it is most-likely a calling from whatever higher power that you might hold dear.

We scheduled this phone call and leading up to it, and many questions swirled. I had share with co-workers that this call was taking place. They had many questions about the logistics and how everything would work. They asked more questions than I had answers. What I knew though is that we were going to explore every avenue in order to add to our family.

So before I go any farther, let me clear something up. 1) Yes, I know there are plenty of children in foster care who need good homes. (If it were easy we would have done it already. It, however, is not easy, or cheap). 2) Yes, I know that surrogacy is a risk.

These two things people tend always to mention whenever I bring the issue up. In fact, people are relatively liberal when dispensing unsolicited advice or recommendations.

Rule #1: Don't take people too seriously and do not let them deter your excitement. Also, don't let them excite you too much. Having a child in non-traditional ways is a marathon and not a race.

Anyway, I digress. Thursday ended with my driving home from my practicum. I was finishing my Master of Social Work. The thought of the call made me nervous. What would we say? How was any of this going to work? Would there be a turkey baster? Whose little swimmers were we going to use? Whose medical insurance would we use?

The time of the call came, and Phil rang the number. We exchange pleasantries. I am not going to share too much because that is her story to share. I will, however, say that during the call she mentioned being a microwave. Oh, did I forget to mention that she agreed to carry for us? Yep. That happened. While we were talking about it, she cited her concerns and then said, "I will be your microwave." At that moment, a website was born. If you know me, then you know that I want to help others. Phil is the same way; he is teaching, so that is his job.

I am not telling you that we are going to share everything. Afterall, this is our journey, and some of it has to be private. I will share enough with you to try to help others who might be like us. We know that we have a lot of love to give and we want to share it. We know, with all of our hearts, that a child is something that we both want with all of our hearts. Not to brag, but I think that we are both going to be great dads. That is not to say that I am not scared of being a dad. It scares the hell out of me, but that is how I know I am ready for it. I also know that Phil is going to be a great dad as well.

Next step is to research and make IVF appointments. Of the year, there is not going to be a turkey baster, (it is a bit more clinical than that). What out for my next post and buckle up kids. We are in for an interesting ride. -A

#surrogacy #gays #fertility #children #surrogate #IVF #invitrofertilization